My mathematics at stake

Back then in 2003, following cyber revolution; one more revolution happened, "Chinese" revolution. No, don't think otherwise. China is still very much under communist rule. But chinese food here in India did revolutionize people's taste. It took food, road-side vendor's industry by storm. One could see Chinese joints springing up at every nook and corner. Success of chinese food had many factors like a different taste, fast cooked and many other factors.

I was skeptical about the whole thing and never dared to try it out. But slowly  I started visiting them with my cousin who had craving for different food and great courage to put his stomach at stake. Anyway, within few visits I became acquainted with this Chinese thing and felt like words schezwan, fried rice, manchurian, hakka noodles etc are hindi words (Mumbai's Hindi is funnily imperfect, so the comparo).


In the month of May, when everybody enjoys summer vacations, wannabe engineers like me slog out because of exams. My family had gone to my native & I was all alone at home during one such summer. One fine evening, I was feeling lazy to cook anything, even a Maggie. I sensed an ideal opportunity to try Chinese food. The only problem was I had no company. My cousin who usually accompanied me to these Chinese joints, was out of town. My brother & a friend Sandeep was unavailable too. But how could it be the reason to skip opportunity of tasty Chinese food & I started towards one of the famous joint we frequented before.

I entered the joint and tried to find a vacant table. I felt a little different this time because of the fact that I was alone there for the first time. It was one of the famous joints, but was not that well maintained with red dim lights put on every table. I guess, it was a futile effort of owner to create Chinese ambiance but it looked like a glooming room or rather a liquor bar. It also had a few fire breathing dragons which were looking only funny than fierce. There was ample crowd in the joint.


Well, I settled down at one empty table. The attendant who was well known to me by now greeted me with a smile. I felt better as he had recognized me as a frequent customer, I was relieved. It is so wonderful to see a smile has a lot of potential. Menu card arrived at my desk & I glanced at it, carefully reading all items, only to not understand most of the things. All the confidence & vocabulary I had mastered turned pale. 


I thought of ordering same non-veg rice plate which my cousin had ordered last time. In spite of my lack of knowledge, I went through menu card over few items, pretending as if I knew it & finally ordered the same thing which my cousin had ordered last time. I decided to go with tried and tested (tasted actually) formula. My order surprised him a little and he repeated my order with questionable tone. Me, though initially perplexed, thought to myself once again to check if I was correct and confirmed the same order again. He said ok and left.


Food arrived real quick. You see one advantage of Chinese food. But what puzzled me is, attendant came with two bowls in his hands & placed both of them on my table. May be it is for somebody else and will be moved  in a short while, I thought to myself and started gorging the tasty chicken fried rice. For 5 minutes, I saw attendant passing by my table ignoring that extra bowl I thought he would move soon. Even after 10 minutes I saw no signs of anyone claiming that extra bowl on my desk. I had started to worry now. I felt something is wrong I finally stopped the attendant & confronted him.


Me: Yeh bowl kiska hai?
Attendant: (rather surprised at first & then mistakenly sensing it as humour, smiling) Tera.
(He thought I was joking)
Me: What? (15 minutes before angel looking attendant had suddenly turned in to a selfish demonic waiter)
Attendant: Haan, terahi toh hai .. (confidently this time)
Me: Kya bakk raha hai? (with full of anger, disgust and confusion too)
Attendant: Tunehi toh order diya tha na.
Me: Lekin maine toh 1 by 2 fried rice bola tha. (with explanatory tone now)
Attendant: Kya bhai, kaam ke time mazak kar raha hai. Tune 1 by 2 bola maine 1 by 2 laya.
Me: Haan toh 2 bowls leke kyon aaya?
Attendant: (abount to faint) Yaar, 1 by 2 bolega toh 1 fried rice ko 2 bowls mai dalke nahi layega toh kaise layega? (I was dumbstuck now)
Me: (somehow recovering from shock) Toh aadha fried rice mangana hoga toh kya bolneka? (completely defensive now)
Attendant: Half rice.

By then, we both understood the reason behind confusion. I could see attendant trying hard to control his laugh. I don't have words to explain my level of embarrassment, above pic says it all. The attendant (being really angelic) took that extra bowl away from my table. I thanked him enough and swore to God that I will never enter Chinese joints alone ever again.